be happy WHEREVER you are!

Happy hectic Monday everyone!  I apologize for my lack of posting this week!  Waiting for life to slow down a little bit! And now, its my time to spread my happy go lucky atmosphere to you! Anyways, not often do we reflect on where we are in life, as we are too busy going through it. When we're young (on high school) its like we are constantly one step ahead of ourselves. For me personally, when I was in school, I couldn't wait to be in college. When I was single, I couldn't wait to be double *ups, name it married ya!

When I was in Bandung, I really wanna go to Jakarta! HA HA *admit it Nike* 

But now, suddenly.  Here I am - college graduate, still single anyway :/, at Jakarta now.  All the years behind me gone to memories.  All the years ahead, waiting to be revealed.  And my present, up for grabs.

Thinking back on it, I loved my childhood and I loved my days in school.  Coming home at 1p.m. and watching TV , or running outside playing sports with my teammates and friends was the bomb.  I loved the freedom of being on my own, and knowing that my life is yet to be written.  And I even loved that tiny, uncomplicated, one bedroom dorm/renthouse.

So, why do we rush it away?  Why don't we fully appreciate the exact place we are in?  No matter how messy, or crazy, or even, how beautiful it is?

All I know is, at one point or another in our lives, we'll cross that line of looking forward, to looking back.  Looking back at a life rushed away, because we were too busy trying to get somewhere we thought would make us happier.  Except, when we get there, are we happy?

Happy exists, only if we allow it to exist. Its a thought, not necessarily some form of reality. Its not our situation, its our thoughts.

I think that's one of the hardest lessons in life. To be content, wherever you are. Even harder? To be HAPPY wherever you are!!! <3 br="br" ny="ny">

Be silent and hear the clinks ..

Morning.. I wake up with mixed feelings today. I'm not in the good situation. #lesigh

I wanna say that I'm not find new community yet. Community who can make mw feel secure, make it simple.. Like community in Bandung, ECC.
I miss my cell group, I miss my daddy, I miss being someone who can cheers them up even when I am down and then I got my power back!

Here, in this week I found new friends. and will find more.. And, this week was very special because I met many actress, important people, and my idol. They makes me feel like I am nothing, and so hard to explain lah.
If you join new community, you need to know what they like, and realize or no you will be like them if you always play with them.

like on Thursday, I went home at 4 a.m. What a black night! -_-

I'm guilty.
I had fun anyway, they are funny, creative, hard worker people. I'm proud to join them. But, something bad happen. I lost my solitude with my creator. WORST!

I need to come back. And He always gimme a way to back home.

"Hear the clinks.." He said..

Sometimes, Tuhan menyembunyikan sesuatu seperti menyembunyikan sebuah jam. Kita disuruh mencari jam itu disebuah ruangan. Saat kita cari kadang kita terlalu banyak bergerak, terlalu banyak bicara dan terlalu berisik dengan hal-hal lain. "Mana yah jam nya, mana nih kok ga ketemu-ketemu."

Sampai akhirnya kita menyerah!
But, God say.. "Sssttttt.. Be silent, and hear the clinks!"

Saat kita diam, kita bisa denger kan detik jam itu. Dan dengan mudah kita menemukan jam tersebut.

I know, He always there. He always good. He always with me! Your love always makes me better!

Thank you my only one exception.

Keep Calm and Don't GIVE UP!

Hi there, these day was a very busy days in my life! *drama*
Yet, I'm so excited for this new season of life.. New environment, new friends, new office, new job!

At first day of working, I went to PSSI (Persatuan Sepakbola Seluruh Indonesia), met new people (and all man) -.-"
Arrived at renthouse at 10 p.m.
Second day, I went to Menpora. I met Andi Malarangeng, my idol. He was so kind and warm, not like Djohar (Ketum PSSI). And talked with Timo Scheunemann as a coach for U-12 team who went to Polandia for Danone Cup.

Today, I finish my class with Ibu Sumita Tobing. She is so awesome woman~ She can dance, she can edit movie, she know many things!
But, this is very deep sentence from her at class
"Nike, suara kamu itu tipis sekali.. Jadi agak cempreng untuk ukuran presenter news. Kamu harus ngomong pakai suara perut bukan suara hidung."

Then, she teach me how to breathe from stomach.
To be honest, I'm a bit down. Voice is a grace from God, right? So, practice to change my voice is an effort.
and this morning my friend's statement on Twitter scared me. He said " 1 grace is louder than 1,000 efforts."

VOICE = GRACE

PRACTICE = EFFORT

Clear? Then, I have a strong reason to give up here. In my new world. But, I tell you! I WON'T!!!!

Calm,  I think everybody has their own problem ya. Maybe your problem is different from other people's, but I'm sure everyone has something they struggle with..

What I'm trying to say is, it's okay if your life is not perfect (your voice maybe not good, your body, your hair, your physically, etc). And I believe that nobody has a perfect life. What you need is not a perfect life, but a happy life. And to live that happy life, you don't need to be perfect. You just need to deal with your imperfection. Don't give up. Don't quit. Be thankful! You can still enjoy your life.

The bad news is, your life will never be perfect. The good news is, you don't need a perfect life to be happy.

The problem with many people is, they think they don't deserve to be happy because they're imperfect!! That's wrong. You'll never enjoy your life if you set your mind like that. Just because your life isn't like what you want it to be, doesn't mean you can't enjoy it.
Your life may not be easy, but you can still live it well. Life is how you make it to be. Be thankful for your life even though it's not perfect. There's always something to be thankful for, no matter what. Once you know how to live with your imperfection, you realize that life isn't that bad.

So, always remind yourself that it's okay not to be perfect. It doesn't mean you can't have a good life! Keep learning to improve yourself ya :p

See ya! XOXO

Let go so you can breathe

 I almost there. And I almost hate all kind of goodbye! :'(

There is a start to everything, but there is also the end. Everything has its stages, and maybe this is the stage where we have to say goodbye to my collage life.. to my very best community!

Some people come into your life, you start to love them, then you feel so happy when they're around, and you just want to enjoy every single moment you have with them. But we all know nothing lasts forever. Sooner or later, there is always something that makes you can't be with them anymore. It may be death, it may be other things too, such as relationship problems. Many things. Whatever it is, the key is not to wait for the end to come. It is to enjoy every single moment while you still have the chance to do it. Enjoy it and be thankful.

Then, what should we do when it ends? That's the problem that many people forget. Let go.

It's hard to let go when the thing you have to let go is something that you really love. It's like there will be a big problem, ready to ruin everything if you don't keep it. That's why you don't dare to let go. And that's the real problem.

The biggest problem in life is when you don't want to let go of things you should let go.

Everyone has to let go. It's not always about death. It's not always about people. It may be about your relationship, your job, your ego, your power, your childhood. There are many things.

When the time comes, you have to let go. Let go so you can breathe. Most people are afraid that everything will be worse if they let go. The truth is, there is a time when you can't keep it anymore, and the big trouble that really makes everything worse is actually when you still don't want to accept that it is the time to let go.

It hurts when you have to let go something you really love, but it can hurt you more if you don't.

It's not easy. Once you let go, you have no idea what will happen next. But sometimes letting go is the only choice for you to keep surviving, moving on, and living your life. Sometimes letting go is the only way for you to keep "breathing".

It's like there is a heavy burden on your shoulder when you don't let go. And when you're finally willing to let go, you finally realize that it doesn't have to burden you. You start living life again. You start to breathe freely.

Super Understanding System

Hei, its been very long time never update this blog. the place where you can tell your story, and everyone can read it. and you hope you can be understood. but sometimes, its not helping you much!

Ok, just make it fast..

I've thought it like countless times already. My feelings are so deep and it really confuses me. I don't know why, but suddenly I really want to share this feelings to you.

I feel, I cannot understand myself these days. maybe not for the first time, haha! Ya, everyone can being unstable even when they are growing old. NO OFFENSE. LOL

I am stuck in some situations where I really don't know what to do.
but, God whisper always comfort me..

He can help you through many ways..

also from quotes!




"If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you."

―Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat Pray Love) 

It's not easy to find the answer of every question in your life. Sometimes it's just too mysterious. But the most important thing is to keep searching, live it, and enjoy the journey. In the end, you'll find it. 

yes, thank God.. I got a Super Understanding System from heaven! :D 

Don't forget Me.. - said God

Haiiiiiiiiii again, everybody! Sorry I didn't post anything for a long time. Well, I'm on a hard mission this semester. You know and you can name it THESIS.

In this week, I have deadline to collect 3 part of revision. Sigh! When I wake up in the morning I directly go to in front of my laptop, turn it on, then doing my thesis all day long. Till mid night I'm still searching the data, reading with sleepy face, life harsh ya! And because of this "hard" activities, I cannot wake up earlier for my morning prayer. So sad but true, I'm going so busy. Busy with my priority. College is my priority, but I don't love them. I can tell you that I wanna go out, and take a long holiday after all.

But, sometimes you have to see what's your real priority. Today, I get up from my bed. Feels better than yesterday, yesterday I was so sick. My pants had a little bit problem because of many times sitting. My backbone sick again. I even cannot avoid all of this sickness. I realize something, Hey I'm going better because of Jesus. My real priority.

Busy can make you looks so blind and you can't see what's your real priority! I'm still learning to manage my time until now, especially how to accept all change when it comes.

The truth is, busy is not really that bad. It's good, sometimes it's the only good way to stretch your capacity. But I fear everything is going to be worse when you cannot manage my time. Well, we need to adapt this condition a little bit sometimes. After all, busy is about respond. The question is, "Do you have the courage to give your best time for your real priority?" Everyone busy! but not everyone is willing to give their best time for God.

They give "remnants" time for someone who always give HIS BEST TIME, HIS BEST PART, HIS BEST ENERGY only for you..

Realize, and think this word.. "Don't forget me." - said God.

again.. I smile :)

its a wrap guys! 3 services done.. and I learned something new again. uhmm, not really new anyway, but quiet new :D

hari ini seharusnya bukan saya yang bertugas leading worship, namun karena sahabat saya tidak bisa bertugas akhirnya saya gantiin. Dan mendadak, Mr. X yg seharusnya WL utama u/ 3 services ini mendadak tidak bisa tugas D-hours! KYAA~~ Uhhhhlala

saya tegang, kami semua tegang. Akhirnya ditarik WL dari singer.
namun ibadah 1 ternyata membuat saya menangis sejadi2nya, saya menangis after ibadah karena ngerasa ga memberi yang terbaik buat Tuhan dan jemaat..
Tatapan tajam dari pastor membuat saya terintimidasi sekali. *trembling*

nangis sepanjang kotbah, aga miris.

Namun, saya jadi inget!! Ternyata minggu ini juga, saya pernah berdoa. "Tuhan, ike pengen loh pelayanan kaya dulu lagi, nangis-nangis karena telat ke gereja dan pelayanan pula, terus dengan kaki berdarah2 karena kecelakaan dan nangis pas puji2an, nangis bareng-bareng anak musik di karawang karena ksalahan namun kami jadi semakin mengandalkan Tuhan.. MAU BANGET kaya gitu lagi."

Dan Tuhan menjawab saya, dengan jawaban yang indah banget..

Everything maybe look likes a mess someday, somehow, somewhere, and sometimes.. But ME, I'm dependable God..

Dan saya semakin menangis..

Saya mulai melihat bahwa mungkin banyak hal yang kita kira bisa kita lakukan sendiri namun ternyata masi belum mampu kita handle sendiri..

sama seperti cerita seorang papa yang mengajak anaknya ke toko permen dan papanya berkata "ambil semua permen yang bisa kamu ambil di sini dengan tanganmu."

sang anak terdiam..

dia berpikir..

dan akhirnya si anak berkata "papa, aku mau papa aja yang ambilin permennya buat aku, karena aku tau tangan papa lebih besar dan mampu mengambilkan permen lebih banyak untukku."

ya, saya sadar dengan penuh sekarang, He is my only one creator. Dia tau untuk apa saya diciptakan, dan dia buat saya maksimal di tanganNya..

dan ibadah2, ibadah3 bukan karena kuat dan gagah tapi karena kuat kuasaMu!! :D

thank you my BESTFRIEND.. <3 <3 lovelove

D9 Fasting " it takes some cold to know the sun "

Jesus be the center.. Ketika Tuhan menginterupsi kita, kita ga boleh memaksakan kehendak.. Saat saya tau beda nya berserah dan memaksakan kehendak, saya memilih untuk berserah kepada Yesus yang mengerti saya lebih dari siapapun. Bahkan kadang saya hanya bisa diam tanpa mengerti apa yang sedang saya alami.

Sekarang saya sedikit memahami perasaan Abraham waktu Tuhan meminta Ishak daripadanya.. Mungkin saat ini, itu yang saya rasakan. Bisakah kamu tetap berserah dan percaya kepada Tuhan? Tetapkah kamu mencintai Tuhan bahkan ketika org yang paling kamu sayang diambil dari pada kita?

Ya, saya bisa..

Saya berserah kpd Dia, krn Dia sudah terlalu banyak melakukan hal hebat dalam hidup saya.

Bukan mukjizat saja, bukan kesembuhan atau kekayaan..

Tapi kesetiaan, kesetiaan yang ga bisa saya bayar dengan apapun juga..

So, I will trust in You and I will obey :D
yes, be happy always..

Selama Kuhidup - Sidney Mohede

Kudengar panggilanMu padaku
Kuberlari padaMu
Ajarku 'tuk menatap kepada masa depanku
'Tuk s'lalu memikirkanMu
Di dalam keputusanku

Apa yang terbaik
Apa yang bisa
Menyenangkan hatiMu s'lalu

Biarlah selama kuhidup
Kau dimuliakan dalamku
Ku mau semua perbuatanku
Meny'nangkan hatiMu s'lalu

lirik lagu ini mengingatkan saya, untuk terus berhikmat!
:)

smile :)

Today's a new day, and there is no sunshine.
Nothing but clouds, and it's dark in my heart
and it feels like a cold night.
Today's a new day, where are my blue skies,
where is the love and the joy that you promised me
you tell me it's alright.

I almost gave up, but a power that I can't explain,
fell from heaven like a shower.

I smile, even though I'm hurt see I smile,
I know God is working so I smile,
Even though I've been here for a while

I smile, smile..
it's so hard to look up when you look down.
Sure would hate to see it when you give up now
You look so much better when you smile, so smile.

#smile - kirk franklin

thesis - the chapter which can't be move (the scripsi)

ternyata, mengumpulkan niat membuat skripsi sangat sulit. lebih mudah mendengar lagu the script pastinya!

uh lelahnyo, seharian buat skripsi.. ditemani semua makanan yang lebih banyak masuknya daripada keluarnya..

beda dengan isi dompet yang lebih banyak keluarnya daripada masuknya!

yayaya! ga lucu, saya tau..

spt biasa dan sangat biasa, blog adalah tempat curhat-curhat saya baik yang berkualitas maupun kurang berkualitas bahkan sangat tidak berkualitas..

harap maklum!

We are fighting together..

me, now, time and all the things that i may have to pass..

you, now, time and all the things that you may have to pass..

me, thesis, career, my ministry, and all the things I have to fighting for..

you, osce, co-ass, specialist, your ministry, and all the things you have to fighting for..

this time, we face our mountains..

but, I don't wanna lose faith..

I just want to fighting, together. In the different place, but with the same purpose.

to meet again..
to be happy..
to live up!

gabriel, we have a strong hands carry on us! just don't worry about that!

redouble our faith! yay!

Inilah Dia.. PAGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII~

Pagi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pagi ini saya sangat bersukacita, entah kenapa.. Padahal kemarin terjadi hal yang HARUSNYA membuat saya galau seharian.

But, THIS IS MY YEAR. I don't wanna let it slip by! I wanna enjoy every day with my Jesus.

taun ini saya berjanji, apapun yang terjadi saya mau tetap bilang.

God is my source
He is the source of JOY
Source of bless
Source of my EVERYTHING..

dan saya telah membuktikan, bahkan ketika saya hampir kehilangan orang yang paling saya sayangi, saya mungkin memang menangis.. Tapi ga lama, saya kemudian sadar..

He is not my everything. God is my everything!!

saya tetap berdoa, menikmati kehadiran Tuhan di hati saya..

Dia membawa saya lebih dekat bahkan bersukacita ketika ada masalah yang besar/

saya tau sekali, ketika saya bersukacita.. Saya sedang menyukakan Tuhan..

keluaran 13:9b "supaya hukum Tuhan ada di bibirmu; "Sebab dengan tangan Tuhan yang kuat Tuhan telah membawa engkau keluar dari Mesir."

suatu hari, dengan menangis terharu saya akan menyatakan ayat di atas, sebab terlalu banyak hal yang Tuhan kerjakan dalam hidup aku.

Tuhan membawa aku seperti Daud yang terlebih dahulu menghadapi singa-singa buas di padang belantara untuk pada akhirnya menghadapi seorang Goliat!

Saya percaya, dan teramat percaya bahwa Daud dlm segala hal yang dia hadapi terus mengandalkan Tuhan. Saya pun mau seperti Daud!

dan saya tau juga, hari-hari ini saya sedang berjalan dari Mesir ke Kanaan. Perjalanan merendahkan diri.

Mengandalkan Tuhan di setiap langkah yang saya ambil..

Yes, because life is a game! You must fight, level up, survive and enjoy the game! :) don't be too serious! YAY!!

butterflies in my tummy! ._.

i have butterflies flying
around inside my tummy
when i’m with you

i hear bellchimes ringing
blown by wind of spring
when i’m with you

oh this tingling feeling
makes me wanna jump
makes me wanna shout
across the room

oh this feeling of longing
but damn it’s so blinding
i just can’t tell
if i feel happy or sad

i heard blue birds
singing up around the tree
when I’m with you

i see rainbows appearing
everywhere i go
when i’m with you..

-schatj story-

You are the sweetest God..

semenjak saya kenal dengan orang ini, saya dibawa semakin intim sama Tuhan. bukan karena dia seorang pastor, saya udah tau juga jelek2nya dia.. tapi memang karena dia membuat saya mencintai Tuhan Yesus lebih dari mencintai dia.. cinta yang saya punya ga jadi egois, ga merenggut waktu intim saya bersama Tuhan, dan bahkan ketika saya menghadapi masalah saya selalu ingin mencari Yesus ketimbang menghubungi dia. then, i will call him.. later!haha

dia bukan orang sempurna..

tp saya liat dia begitu gigih berjuang demi Tuhan yang dia cintai, dan itulah passion yang saya ingin tanamkan dalam diri saya sendiri.

dan, Dia adalah baik..

Karakternya tidak berubah karena keadaan..

Kesulitan tidak bisa menghentikan manisnya cinta Tuhan pada saya..

dan akhirnya, saya mau katakan..

Yesuslah yang termanis, Engkau membuat saya semakin dalam terjun ke dalam cintamu.. yang sekalipun dalam gelombang saya masih bisa tersenyum bahagia..

Thank you my sweetest Jesus..

ILYSM <3

words from my heart..

something depressed me these few days , its because i’m feeling so worry , even till now . cause i just can’t find the reason why this is happened to me , i don’t know the point of smiling , and i can’t figure out what must i do just to be the usual me..

we used to be so close , now we’re just far apart..


you said that I'll find someone better than you, but how can I find another one when I still want you?
what’s wrong with you ? what’s wrong with me ? what’s wrong with us ?

i don't know, i don't wanna ask God too...

we have a "big" problem now, but i feel so tremble about not because of the problem. but because why you don't fight for me.. u said, "we will do this together" but now you seems like wanna leaving me. oh, i hope this is just my assumption.

I'm sad, sometimes I just wish my love life is simpler.

hmm.. you still contact me.. i know we're in love but you ask "why i must born first, why this, why that." love is not about perfect couple being together, its about 2 imperfect people who decide to love each other. so simple rite? why must be so complicated.

but, im so proud of me too in the same time because i know i just take a best respond for my mountains. i say to you MOUNTAINS, I have a big GOD. i know i can pass this through..

the resume is, im still waiting for the best time! I know His ways are more than my way! His plans bigger than my plans! why i must be afraid.

on the other side , i won’t ever let you go , cause i really love you , and its really that much .

the last thing i wanna say is that , i miss you , i need you , and i love you . these 3 things made up my lonely days without you , and it will be nice of me to hear you say that you miss me , need me , and love me too..

nb : If we're meant to be together, we'll find a way.

It's just your feeling boo :)

You know what's real problem with this world? It's not from outside. It's from inside. A problem is not a problem until the inside of you makes it a problem. Some things like stress, worry, and anxiety. It's all from the inside. It comes from your feeling!

Do you ever feel like everything is not gonna be okay although nothing bad happens? Are you ever so afraid that bad things are gonna happen when everything is just okay? Or, sometimes there's only a very small problem but you take it as a big problem and it makes you stressed? If your answer is yes, sometimes I feel that way, too. However, after I think again about it, actually it's just a feeling.Your feeling makes every thing a problem. It is something inside you that always tries to affect your emotion, and in the end it makes you feel stressed or worry.

The truth is, feeling is something inside you that always tries to let you bother every single thing in your life, so everything looks complicated.

Don't you think it's very funny when your feeling always "plays" you? You can be happy, then sad, then suddenly happy again, and then suddenly sad again. It's natural. Everyone has feeling. But, you should not rely on it. Your feeling is not your boss. Don't let everything depend on it because it's not always right.

The thing is, feelings are soft. It's fragile. If you keep saying yes to your feeling, it's very easy to bring you down. It's true that feeling can make people happy too. Happiness is also a feeling. But, everyone has problems. Feeling is more likely to lead people to bad thoughts than the good ones. When there's nothing bad really happens, your feeling will try to tell you "What if tomorrow something bad happens?" And when there's only a small problem, your feeling will tell you "It's not small. You should not take it easy. It's gonna be worse if you don't do this or do that." I can say that your feeling always tries to "bully" you.

Sometimes everything is just okay, but your feeling makes it dramatic, then you become worry.

So, one thing you can do is to stop letting your feeling make your life a mess. Start to be relax in thinking and making decision. Use a right attitude to lead your act. It's not your circumstance or things around you that you should control. It's the inside of you, because a problem is not a problem until the inside of you takes it as a problem.

Don't let your feeling tell you that it's not okay when everything is just okay. Learn to control your feeling and not be controlled by it. It's you who should control your feeling, not your feeling who controls you.

If I write your name..

if i write your name on the sand — the sea will wash it away .
if i write your name on the water — no one can ever see it , cause it fades away in fraction of seconds .
if i write your name on the air — it won’t stay there , it fades away just too soon .
if i write your name on the wall — it can be repainted , it’ll no longer seen .
if i write your name on the stars — i won’t see you during the day .
if i write your name on a piece of paper — it can be torn apart , it can be scribbled , destroyed , and all .
if i write your name on a black board — it can be erased too easily .
if i write your name on a white board — it’ll eventually be erased , even when i used a permanent marker .

if i write your name in my brain — i will always think bout you , it won’t ever disappear .

if i write your name in my heart — i will always love you , you’ll be safe in my heart .